Of course, Hugo didn’t think it was a good idea, but he was pushed back into a corner and left alone to play with himself.  As this is the first entry,  I best take a moment to explain Hugo.  To clear up any confusion, I really do not have multiple personalities, at least not in the sense of schizophrenia or dissasociative disorder.  There are many, many sides to me, and this has often led to people asking, “Just how many people do you have up there?”  While most are just sides of me, i.e. bitchycat, biteycat, hypercat, sadcat, etc. Hugo is different.  Hugo is my id you could say in Freudian terms, the dark little personality that sits in his corner all day, masturbating and thinking of throwing people in a wood chipper and then using them for deep-sea fishing chum.  Fortunately, as of right now, my Ego and SuperEgo are large enough (in many ways) to control Hugo and put him back in the corner.  I envisioned Hugo as a little Gollum-looking creature, except with my face, long before the Lord of the Rings trilogies came out.  When I saw Smeagol/Gollum in the films, I wondered, “How did Peter Jackson ever fit into my head to see what Hugo looked like?”  Anywho, for future references to Hugo in postings, keep this vision in mind.  Hugo doesn’t come up as much as he used to.  I think perhaps he’s hibernating, or the other personalities have overruled him.  Either way, Hugo is still there, waiting to burst forward, yelling “Kaka-Poo Poo!” and “Fungi!” with a fist raised in the air.  

The main impetus for starting a recording of thoughts was my recent obsession with online profiles.  My obsessions come and go very rapidly, I am a Gemini and very prone to boredom with new shiny things.  As my short-lived obsession with Japanese Hentai dating Sims wore out after I played all I could find for hours on end on Newgrounds, I am sure to this obsession will die out eventually as well.  After all, like one can only have so many virtual sexual relations with large-breasted Japanese Anime chicks, one must too tire of poring over the personal details of peoples little lives.  My latest obsession comes after casually reading profiles on UCFlife.com.  I do not do this in the interest of dating, just usually morbid curiosity and misplaced voyeurism.  As I trolled through the pages of frat boys and sorority chicks, a certain picture caught my eye.  I will allow the owner to remain anonymous, but I was fascinated.  Intrigued, I searched onto his personal webpage and read details of his life.  Enthralled by my new discovery, I moved onto another profile with an awesomely intriguing photo.  This person’s personal website had also had a blog, where the details of life were recorded daily for any and all to see. 

It is then that I came to the realization that we are all either exhibitionists, voyeurs, or both.  We are fascinated by the little glimpses we get into other's lives, almost entrapped in their worlds, every day waiting for new postings to see what amazingly mediocre things happened to them.  And even though most of these postings are as droll as an ABC sitcom (try making it through an entire episode of Hope & Faith sometime), there are hundreds or even thousands of people yearning to read every word.  With it, there are those willing to type out every detail of their lives, getting thrills off the idea that it will display on a computer screen somewhere and others will catch a glimpse of it.  Because we are all egoists - we all want to feel interesting, or sexy, or fascinating, or humorous.  And we all are nosy -whether peeking in someone’s medicine cabinet when using the loo in their home, or snooping around someone’s e-mail when they casually leave their computer on, or eavesdropping on the conversation the co-worker in the cubicle next to us is having with their doctor about what would cause itching and burning when they pee. 

And so now I eagerly spend hours that I should be working or studying or doing something productive feeding my newfound fixation, logging onto UCFLife.com or WitchVox, or many other numerous sites, searching for profiles with photos in hopes of catching a small glimpse into someone’s life.  I only search for profiles with photos.  The person must look interesting enough to draw me into their world.  They do not have to be good looking by traditional standards, though that is what drew me to my first profile obsession.  Their photo must just be unique. 

It is my general rule not to contact any of my voyeuristic infatuations.  I do not wish to lose the perfection of them that I have already created in my mind.  One poorly spelled response e-mail, one half-drunken “you’re cute” response that you can almost hear the slurring of words in, one tripe-filled reply that isn’t poetic or as if written by the Bard himself, and the fantasy is lost.  And so is the fun, the thrilling imagination, the scenarios one creates in their mind of different situations one might be in with these individuals.  Because everyone is perfect in our imaginations.  No one poots, or burps, or says incredibly stupid things at the most infinitely inappropriate times.  We have already eliminated those that spew what we consider drivel in their daily recounts.  Only our ideas of perfection remain, and we do not want to lose our fantasy of what they are.

However, I did respond to the original profile that caught my eye.  And though I did not ask for a reply, I secretly hoped that I would receive one.  And I did.  The fantasy is not yet shattered, though because of the politeness and timid eloquence of the reply.  And as the reply asked questions, a response to the reply was required.  Because we could not ignore the possibility of learning more and expanding the fantasy in our heads.  (Another quick note - I often refer to myself as ‘we’, thus again lending to the multiple-people in my head theory.  Just think of it as a royal ‘we’).  So a response to the reply was proffered, and the day was spent, instead of working or studying or doing anything productive, again poring over profiles and peering into other people’s lives while secretly refreshing the page that a rejoinder to the response to the reply would appear on.  Of course there are no intentions of anything coming of this trading of words; just hopes that an illusion isn’t thrown to the ground and shattered.

So now, whilst my head is full of so much more to say, I feel that I’ve thrown enough of my mania into the public eye for one day.  Though I do not foresee this becoming a daily update, nothing that interesting goes on in my daily life to warrant that, I will update as often as my personalities see the need.  Some days, every day is prolific and full of words that I feel others might enjoy; other days, I don’t have rubbish to say.  So I will try not to bother posting such nonsensical dribble as “I went to the store today.  I bought some melons, but none as big as mine” and will instead save my prattling for those times when I’m feeling particularly innovative.  Until then, hold onto your personally created fantasy of who I am, before I dash it to the ground.

=^..^=